Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
