Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
