I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I faked an abortion last night.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
