You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
