Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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