i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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