..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
