They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize