I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
