check it out our google latitudes are spooning
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
