I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize