I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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