the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
