I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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