I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
