Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
