I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
