she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize