Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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