remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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