i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
