I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
