everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
