I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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