I wish they made helmets for livers.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
