This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
