pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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