mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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