You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
