When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i think i just lost a toe
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
