Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Randomize
