I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
