im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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