brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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