I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
