My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
