watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
