I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I deserve this hangover.
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