jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I didn't shave. On purpose
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
