Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
