and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
