i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
