So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
