We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
