I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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