Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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