Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
