She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
