fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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