sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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