508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
