Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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