Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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