He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
