I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
