She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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