It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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