I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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