and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
