Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
