we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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