you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize