I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
