i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I believe in your delicious
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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