Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
