My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
