I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
