if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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